As for this site, I have the urge to get back into the habit of posting regularly. (I’ve decided for better or worse not to edit too much.) Maybe a change is needed, would be fun, we’ll see, in my writing approach/approaches—this thought after reading some of Duras’s essays and articles and fragments that roil and startle with enough ego to power a new sun.
And in full rights, because she earned them and didn’t seem to care if anyone thought ego was a negative. Unless she felt like writing about how exactly she did care, once, and how that care came to be, looking into the history of its entry into her being, which she learned to tame in order to reject, on the grounds that rejecting this earned right to brag about her own genius is a devout necessity in order to fully understand it, itself necessary to facilitate a supremely clean purge.
I don’t know what I’m after by saying this really, other than reading Duras feels grand and foolish and sounds like someone whose genius maybe would’ve been tolerable in person, though I doubt it very much. Politesse and tolerability are anathema to most good writers. Twitter has proven that beyond a doubt! And I can’t get away from that monstrosity even here, taking time away from everything to try a new essayistic ploy (grasping at the shadows of a genius’s words) to inject some life into my blog, a thing I feel egotistical enough about to want something for it as if it were a creation whose future deserves my energy and care.
Though a blog too is a form of ego. But only in the way of knowing you are breathing in and breathing out and controlling that breath to calm yourself down on a regular basis could be called ego. Self-preservation. Discipline. Protecting oneself from annihilation.
2 thoughts on “The breath and the way”
Oh come on Matt, in reality you just need another space to share your fern shots!
I look forward seeing where your blogging might take you. I think your final paragraph above captures my sentiments exactly. I wish I had more time to devote to my blog, but it is an essential space to write about books in as formal or informal a manner as I want, plus a place to tentatively try out essay ideas and sometimes even indulge in a little controlled venting.
Ha—you’re not supposed to bust me in public like this, Joe! I stand (slightly) guilty as charged. But I just have to share fern pics, y’know?
Thanks for reading this post and for commenting. That’s my hope, to open myself up a bit, both as a writer (working on essay technique) and a person (making mistakes, working on feelings of “perfecting” something before clicking “publish). And in terms of content I will be working in more book-focused stuff, too, although that may be even harder to loosen up and blog about, verging as it does on the fraught territory of “careerism” and “professionalism,” which is always meant to be Serious.
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